


My life turns in slowmotion.

by EVLIROWNROD



Series: Personal [3]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen, Personal Experiences, SAB - Freeform, SAH, Subarachnoid Haemorrhage, personal, slight trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-16 13:55:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29825976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EVLIROWNROD/pseuds/EVLIROWNROD
Summary: Her hands shake sometimes. When days have been extra tiring, they might lose their strength; those days are the worst.This story, if I can call it a story, is something that goes through my mind a lot.If you would like to know why I haven't been writing much, this would explain it.
Series: Personal [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1980997





	My life turns in slowmotion.

**Author's Note:**

> The title is a lyric from Glass Animals - The Other Side Of Paradise.
> 
> I tagged this with slight trauma since a lot of people around me told me it was a traumatic experience for me as well.

A glance in her direction while she works. Worrying that she's doing too much. After all, she only recently got out of the hospital. But she insisted on taking back all her chores. I personally wouldn't call them that, though. Not when she does them, at least. Why? Because she's doing _all_ of it. Everything is being kept taken care of by her. I would know; I took over everything she did when she was in the hospital. It's worse than a fulltime job, and I didn't even manage to do everything she did in a day. 

She declared herself to be okay enough, but that doesn't keep me from fretting over her. I have noticed the pained expressions she sometimes has when thinking no one was looking. I have seen her glance at him when he's not paying attention. I've seen the way her eyebrows knit together when he's talking over her, causing her to forget yet another thing. The frustration in her eyes is apparent when she just _can't seem to remember_. 

Her hands shake sometimes. When days have been extra tiring, they might lose their strength; those days are the worst. Those days she actually expresses her frustration by making a noise. But talking about it isn't something she does. She's never been one to speak about her feelings. 

At nights I lay wide awake. I can still hear her fall to the ground, hear her breathing on the bathroom floor. The groans, the gurgling. Whenever that pops up in my head, I feel my heartbeat pick up to the same pace it was that night. At times, when I close my eyes, I can still see what I saw when I managed to unlock the door with a screwdriver I found in the garage. Every time I hear an ambulance, I am scared that it's going in the direction of our house again.  
I can picture the events of that whole night in my head, over and over. 

But all of that isn't as bad as what she has experienced. Though she might not remember much of the happening itself, she has to deal with the aftermath. _Every. Single. Day._ There was only a fifty-fifty chance in my country that she might've even made it alive to the hospital. Then there was the percentage that would've passed away while at the hospital or while undergoing the operation. She is one lucky woman, but that doesn't take away from her struggles.

I just wished he saw her struggles as clearly. That he made more time for her. That he showed more interest and talked less about himself. I don't care that he doesn't show interest in me, just show concern for her. Make her feel loved; don't make any of us doubt your love for her.

I just...

I just wish I could swap with her. That I was the one that experienced the subarachnoid haemorrhage. That I was the one that had to deal with the aftermath. That I took over her struggles so that she didn't have to suffer anymore.

_I just want my mom to be happy._


End file.
